I remember this movie.. team america.

There are three types of people in this world, dicks pussies and assholes.

"Pussies don't like dicks because pussies get fucked by dicks, but dicks also fuck assholes. Assholes who just wanna shit on everything. Pussies may think that they can deal with assholes their way, but the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is that sometimes they fuck too much, or fuck when it isn't appropriate, and it takes a pussy to show 'em that. But sometimes pussies get so full of shit that they become assholes themselves. Because pussies are only an inch and a half away from assholes. I don't know much in this crazy crazy world. But I do know that if you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're gonna have our dicks and our pussies all covered in shit."

It says so much.


It really does.

But what the hell am I?

I wonder.

I don't know. I don't even know if I haev friends, if I have anything in the world. It's not just because Chris Jensen broke up with me that I am thinknig that, it just triggered my thought process on self worth, and what and who I really am. Do I really wanna sit around drinking all day while my friends get some action and I just sit there not really wanting to be tehre.. just wanting to smoke?

No, I don't like drinking. I am no alcoholic. I've hated it for a long time. It's gross, it makes you do stupid shit, it just is STUPID all together.

Maybe I'm growing up. Yet I still smoke weed. Because it is my release, it calms me down.. like an antidepressant in a way.I dont think its a bad thing. Drinking and doing dex, and all that other shit I used to do, is bad. I don't even think a line of cocaine is bad... maybe I'm just fucked up in my mind.

Right now my best friends, my "family" left me to go get some.. to go drink more. "We'll be back in 30 minutes"
How can you even tell me that youre going to leave MY house that I let you stay at that I offered to you? And then go drink with my NEIGHBORS that you just met because one of them was trying to get at you? And then Jovan had to go along with Holly so she'll be safe.

So what am I suposed to do? Wait up for them? go to bed? because I love them. But .. I don't know..

Is everybody I know going to just end up throwing me to the ground and treat me like shit?

I miss Mike. He is my brother.. he wouldn't do this to me.. why does he have to be so far away, in his "Hospital"... why..

I miss Chris, why did Jarvis have to hate me so much. Iknow thats why we really broke up. Beacause Timmy (Chris' brother) told me that Jarvis always hated me. That he hated when I was around, and that he hated to smoke out "Chris' dumb ass girlfriend" .. yeah. It hurts. It fucking HURTS. But I guess "bros before hos"... yeah. I love getting shoved to the ground

By the people that "love" me.

What the FUCK is love nowadays anyways? People just look out for themselves.

Don't even deny. Im thru with this "love" bullshit.

Sick of it.

Apathy should be where it's at.